Saturday, 27 February 2016

The Benefits of Tantric Massage for Men

I often get asked what the benefits of tantric massage are for men are, so I thought I’d put my views into a blog for you.
I have 8+years of tantric massage experience (, and close to 20 years of (spiritual) energy-work experience (as of Feb. 2016). I obviously cannot speak for all tantric masseurs; some practitioners might work differently, or base their work on (at least partly) different philosophies/ teachings.

What is Tantric Massage & what does it entail?
Tantric massage is a whole body sensual massage, where ‘all’ parts of a man’s body are massaged (i.e. including the lingam (penis), and if offered and desired, the prostate as well). What differentiates an erotic massage from a tantric massage, is the inclusion of energetic-spiritual practices/ techniques. The massagee is not just seen humanistically, but rather as a divine eternal soul, in a temporary physical body. Tantric massages aims to help the massagee to rediscover, experience, live his divine nature. There is a transpersonal side to all tantric work, but whereas in tantric sex with a partner one aims to experience one another transpersonally, with tantric bodywork there can be some transpersonal connection with the masseur, but most importantly one tries to help the massagee to transpersonally connect with the individualized divine spark inside, that is ‘He’.  Pleasure is appreciated and welcomed, but not the sole objective. Erotic stimulation is not utilized solely for sexual gratification, but rather to trigger the flow of sexual/ erotic energies. Sexual energies are understood to be very powerful, they can help invigorate ones being, but also be creative, and or curative.  Tantric massage techniques often aim to increase the level of sexual excitement/ energy, by slowly going more and more into erogenous zones. The client is aroused, but then relaxes again as a less erogenous body part is massaged, etc.. Ultimately and ideally during the lingam massage the client is brought close to climax, but then the energy is spread out into the rest of the body. He is brought close again, but again the masseur stops,  just shy of the point of no return. The intention is to bring the arousal plateau higher and higher, to ultimately create a more powerful and satisfying orgasm.
Tantric massage is by its nature naturist. I, as the therapist, usually offer to be naked as well, but do not insist on it. Furthermore I allow to be touched. Especially during times of heightened arousal clients seem to appreciate this. Sure, they might want to touch me, as they might be sexually attracted to me, but it feels like there is another element to it too. Our divine nature is naturally giving. During tantric massage, and especially tantrically heightened arousal, clients are more connected to their divine core. They naturally want to ‘give back’ some of the pleasure, and energy they receive. By touching me they ‘close the circle’. Obviously I do not insist on being touched though, or feel disappointed if not touched – it is not essential, and, after all, the treatment is all about the massagee, not the masseur! (N.B.: Not all therapists are comfortable offering their services in the nude, or being touched. If a therapist does not advertise such practices overtly, do respect potential boundaries, and simply ask before e.g. touching.)

Benefits of Tantric Massage
Physical benefits of Tantric Massage– since most tantric massages are whole body massages, general whole body massage benefits apply. Through massage of muscles, muscles are helped to relax. Relaxation alone will likely lead to an increase of blood and lymph flow in such tissues. On top of this venous blood flow, towards the heart, is supported with long distal to proximal strokes up the extremities. Depending on the therapist and his/ her training the massage might include trigger point work (to increase the relaxation effect of tight muscles), stretching, joint mobilizations Relaxation through massage (or other relaxation techniques) usually goes hand in hand with de-stressing effects – which can have positive effects on digestion, immunity and other essential body functions.
Specific to tantric/ erotic massage there is sexual stimulation as well. Sexual stimulation leads to release of endorphins (happiness hormones, and pain suppressing), as well as increased production of testosterone (supporting anabolic processes in the male).   ( )
There is not much I could find about specific scientifically proven health benefits of prostate massage. There is anecdotal evidence that it helps with sexual performance, and as such supposedly it is practiced by Asian men (i.e. they get their partners to massage their prostate). Supposedly prostate cancer rates are lower in Asia, which could obviously be down to other reasons too though, such as diet. Furthermore there is speculation that regular prostate massage might stave off BPH (benign prostate hyperplasia). ( Indirectly regular ejaculation, which will cause a depletion of prostatic seminal fluid as well, seems to have proven health benefits, and there is studies showing that ejaculating more than on average  4.6 times per week, can help ward off prostate cancer, i.e. rates of prostate cancer in such males is 33% lower. ( Whereas internal prostate massage can improve the orgasmic experience for many men, for some it does not do anything palpable, and for other yet it is uncomfortable and will diminish their sexual enjoyment. Supposedly prostate massage is not only effective internally though, but also externally;  i.e. through massage of the perineum, which is usually included with most tantric massages. Obviously, unless one has a willing prostate massaging partner, most men won’t have the time or funds to afford 4+tantric massages per week. Many clients report especially powerful orgasms with tantric massage, but even with such, one will best learn to self-massage ones prostate, if one is after the possible prostate cancer banishing effects (there is prostate massage devices, external and internal , but one can also e.g. sit on a tennis ball, pressing on the perineum)
On a side note, as most tantric massage is purely manual, it can be seen as a very safe way of receiving erotic/ sexual gratification.

Emotional, Mental, Spiritual benefits of Tantric Massage– Tantric massage can have several potential effects on ones emotional, mental and spiritual wellbeing. On a basic level there is, like with any massage, the comforting quality of human touch. Furthermore if one books a tantric massage, there is usually a clear cut energy exchange. I.e. the massagee receives massage, and energy work, and then pays the masseur. Liberating might be too strong a word, but at least theoretically a client does not have to think/ worry about impressing his masseur in any way. As long as the masseurs gets his/ her fee, and the client arrives clean (most masseurs will offer for clients to use their shower facilities too, if they e.g. come straight from the office) – a client does not have to worry about what shape he is in, what his job is, how endowed he is, how long he might ‘last’ upon sexual stimulation, or if he might have problems getting or maintaining an erection. All this can take pressure out of an erotic encounter! One might also argue that being sexually stimulated in a professional, and non-judgmental set up could support overcoming feelings of sexual insecurity, shame, or guilt.
A tantric masseur will, as mentioned before, try to ‘see’ the divine in their clients. The divine inside of all of us, is endlessly loving, wise, beautiful, capable etc. Not all clients might believe themselves to be individualized divine Spirit, they might not feel anything special because a therapist tries to see, feel etc. them as such – but being seen, treated as such might still have some positive (even just knock-on) effects to a client’s self-confidence, and feelings of self-worth. Spiritually one says that energy follows thought, i.e. whatever we give our attention to can be strengthened. If one concentrates on the loving, worthy, and capable inside, one would therefore help strengthen that side of a client’s being!
Besides helping the client heal, and invigorate his being by spreading sexual energy throughout his body (by using massage strokes and intent, to spread the sexual energy, generated in the genitals, into the rest of the client’s body), with longer tantric massage sessions, I usually include general energy healing work as well. E.g. I give Spiritual Healing/ Reiki to my client’s chakras, to help them balance and clear them of accumulated stress, fear, frustration etc. energies. On one hand this can help a client relax even further (and many clients do note that they relax very deeply with tantric massage), but it could also be seen as enabling stronger sexual energy flow, throughout a client’s being, once it comes to the lingam, and prostate massage elements of tantric massage. Working as a healer I also ‘create’ as safe space. I.e. I create a space where energies released (such as stresses, fears, anxieties, etc.) are taken up by spiritual energies, and taken away for safekeeping, rehabilitation etc. Even if clients do not necessarily believe that such really happens, or is possible, I do feel that it might be another reason why clients relax deeper. They subconsciously feel, that they can ‘let go’ of accumulated stresses etc. without those energies potentially floating about, and either re-attaching, or attaching to the therapist. As such many clients of mine tell me they feel ‘lighter’ after their treatment! (N.B.: one obviously does not have to receive a tantric massage to get energy healing effects. If one is e.g. a committed relationship, or has other reasons to not want to visit a tantric masseur, one could go for a e.g. Reiki session instead.). Energy flow does usually improve through physical massage alone already – i.e. there is better energy flow when we are relaxed. (Even less sensitive guys will likely admit that it is easier for them to be/ feel happy, when they are not e.g. stressed/ tense.) But I do believe that such effects get amplified by including energy work on top of massage…
As for the prostate massage, I have read that supposedly the prostate is a reservoir for emotions. I.e. to help release negative emotions (stresses etc.) it is beneficial to massage the prostate. I cannot say that it feels to me as if there is marked emotional release when I massage client’s prostates, or indeed have my own massaged. There does seem to be connection to all the chakras though. It feels much more to me as if massaging the prostate can trigger stronger Kundalini flow, which too can have healing effects, improve chakra function, etc..

Tantric Orgasm (TO) – can everyone have a TO?
There is talk about TOs being non-ejaculative/ dry, whole-body orgasms, and potentially multiple (  
Supposedly with dry orgasms one does not ejaculate, but rather 'saves' the sexual energy from just 'dissipating' through ejaculation. Sperm is said to literally be transformed into qui. Supposedly the energy then wanders up the spine, and unites with the divine/ cosmos above the Crown Chakra. This supposedly can trigger utter bliss and feeling united with creation.
Whole-body orgasms make a bit more sense to me. With tantric work, or tantric massage, the intention is to spread out sexual energy throughout the body. As such the whole body is (more) filled with sexual energy when it come to climax, and orgasms are said to be more intense, and felt in the  ‘whole-body’, rather than mainly be concentrated on the genitals.
Supposedly with all that sexual energy throughout the body, and not depleting ones energies by ejaculating, advanced tantrics can then cum more than ones – have multiple orgasms.
Personally I am somewhat skeptical about what one gets promised about TOs. I can only refer to my own experience here. I tried dry orgasms for a few months, many years ago - I did manage to stifle any ejaculate and was busy channeling all the orgasmic energy up my spine, but to be honest, the only thing I experienced, was something like  badly frustrated orgasms. No unity, no bliss! Worst of all I started to feel guilty for just thinking of ejaculating. I felt as if I would be sinning, because I would be wasting energy by depleting my male energies.
Luckily (in my interpretation) I got over this, and instead started to cherish my ejaculative orgasms more, started exploring them more. To me Life is about happiness and enjoying its gifts - including the bodies we have, and the pleasures they can provide. As with possibly many of you - I had my first orgasms in my teens, clandestinely under a blanket, with siblings sleeping in the next bed. In my mind once I had ejaculated that was it, and I'd see that my physiology, e.g. breathing, would go back to normal as soon as possible. I must admit that for quite some time I carried on like this, and mostly met guys that seem to operate the same way too. Once one ejaculates, one looks for a towel and that is it.
Sensing that there was something else and bigger out there to be had from orgasms, I started to develop the confidence to just keep going a bit longer and longer. I found myself breathing deeply for longer periods and now also experience more and more extensive whole body quivers, quite some time after I have ejaculated. Mind you I do still at times get some strange looks and have guys getting concerned, asking if I am alright, because of it. I just know it feels good and right (to me). This might be tantric whole body orgasms, but I cannot say for sure. I have not personally met anyone yet, who told me they achieve multiple orgasms, or even fulfilling dry ones, for that matter; even though my clientele could be said to be more interested in tantric techniques than the average Joe. Some have been to special courses. etc. I managed to cum three times within 10minutes, without loss of erection, with one (ex)boyfriend ones, but I put that down to mainly very intense initial physical attraction, and it could not be replicated once day-to-day life kicked in. I'd say the important thing is to enjoy ones orgasms as they are, and be open for them to become even more fabulous. Maybe one day I will have multiple orgasms regularly, but till then I am very happy with the ones I have already....
Many of my clients who do cum, seem to experience particularly strong orgasms - if that is because of my 'Touch' and the spirit of Tantra - or simply because they will just have had up to 2 hour foreplay (at least I could never get any of my exs to give me that ) and, if included in the massage, an extra physiological stimulus through prostate massage - I don't know? I suspect it is a mix of all the above...
As such I believe that any erotic play, that is conducted trying to be intimate, feel one another, attend to one another needs, heighten one’s arousal, and ultimately not limit ones orgasm by any expectations - is tantric, whether one labels it as such or not. (Well, with tantric massage, that is more one-sided, but you get my gist.)
So, if you ask me ‘To cum, or not to cum?’ – I personally prefer cumming, and I rarely get clients who ask me to not take them all the way to ejaculation. For me it is an intuitive thing, but I guess there is above mentioned science to potentially consider as well (which supports the regular release of seminal prostate fluid, and semen).
I have gotten into some quite passionate arguments about this with some hard core tantrics though.  Some tantric followers do very strongly believe that ejaculation will lead to depletion of one’s energy reserves. Semen will not be converted into qui. Men will age faster for it, and it might impede ones path towards enlightenment. I am not saying that if you have a partner, who is willing and happy to experiment with tantric techniques, including non-ejaculation, to not do it. I believe there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in Tantra. If you get pleasure or other positive effects from it – great. I see this more suitable for a more committed relationship set up though. At least most of my tantric massage clients just want to de-stress, have a good whole body massage, be taken out of their heads for a while, enjoy the feeling of freedom that goes hand in hand with naturist massage, and finish with a pleasurable and satisfactory climax. – I would also argue, that if one worries about depleting ones protein reserves through ejaculation – for one our diets nowadays are fortunately usually rich enough to replace any protein lost quickly. Heck, we lose protein through shedding skin cells continuously too, as well as through sweat etc – and no one tells you to try and prevent that either. Men might loose zinc through ejaculation, but that is easily replaced too by good diet, and or chelated zinc capsules. Another argument of hardcore tantrics is, that they claim most men are tired after climaxing (which seems to proof their point that they lose chi through ejaculating). I not get tired myself, and usually my clients do have no problem getting up, off the couch, shortly after climaxing either. Most even report they feel invigorated, besides feeling great.  – I have this theory that perhaps such hardcore tantrics do not connect to greater sources of energy before their sexual practices? As a learned healer I do though, for myself and my clients. I e.g. ground my clients at the beginning and end of each session. I.e. I connect them to healthy Earth energies, or some might call it Earth qui. There is a lot of healthy, nourishing qui below our feet, easily connected to, and tapped. Any qui potentially lost through ejaculating a few milliliters of seminal fluid, is easily replaced, by just doing grounding exercises.

Summary - Tantric massage has benefits that go beyond regular, non-erotic massage, and potentially even beyond ‘just’ erotic massage. Besides relaxing, de-stressing, the comfort of human touch, Tantric Massage can be seen as (sexual) health promoting, plus it works with sexual energy, spreads it out through the massagee’s being, and can potentially help heal and invigorate. But let’s not forget, it can be a very pleasurable experience/ therapy as well!

Disclaimer – none of the above is meant to replace any medical treatment or advise you receive. I hope that the above helps you, but always check with your health care practitioner before potentially discontinuing any treatment and or medication.

Feel free to share this blog – I just ask that you keep it as a whole/ unaltered, and reference it to me/ this website as the author. Thanks

For bookings with me and in London, UK, either call me (Tom) on +44 7939 425 504, or e-mail me at

Sunday, 23 November 2014

Premature Ejaculation and Tantric Massage

I thought it might be interesting to write about premature ejaculation, my experiences with it and feelings about it. (it would be great to hear from other therapists, what their experiences are)
Please note I am writing from the view of a Tantric Masseur/ Healer - I am no doctor or sexual Therapist.
Obviously not all cases of men suffering from premature ejaculation are going to be the same.

One potential cause, I find, is that the energy between sexual partners just does not match too well (yet). This can be mainly because of one partner or both. I speak from own experience here too. Usually I do not have any problems holding my erection and cumming when I feel like cumming, i.e. waiting for as long as feels right. I have had the occasional casual sexual encounter though, where I might (for whatever reason?) feel insecure or simply too excited (I might not have had sex for a while and the energy has kind of built up). There often is an element of not being able to relax very well with that partner. I will fancy them physically, but there usually won't be much of an emotional, mental or spiritual connection.
If on the other hand it comes to another encounter, with the same partner, I find that the second time things usually work fine already.As it has come to a second encounter there is much less anxiety already that the other person might not fancy me or vise versa- i.e. I or him will be more relaxed. Second encounters are rare though, if the first one has not worked too well - not sure if that is just a phenomenon in the gay scene? 

Discrepancies in energies can also be down to the other person, 'fault', if it can be called that, does not always lie with me. I have had sex with plenty handsome and gorgeous guys without a problem, but then there will be that one where I suddenly do not feel attractive enough, think I might not be well endowed enough, or else. Through my tantric massage work with clients I have found that sometimes it is actually the really gorgeous guys though, that are the most insecure. They spend hours in the gym, have the perfect body and still think they are not attractive enough... If they strongly expect you to not fancy them though, they literally project that energy and can hinder a natural sexual energy flow with a sexual partner. If the partner casual or else, takes on these insecurities, thinks it is actually him/ her, the problem can increase. 
The trick is then to not take ones not-so-great performance personally, forgive oneself and not get hung up on it (literally). Usually with the next guy, things will be fine again... Just as with other non-sexual encounters we have, sometimes we just do not get along with everyone....
Such energy discrepancies can, in my observation, be exacerbated by drugs. I e.g. have a real aversion against mephodrone and that drug does not seem to like me either. I.e. if a guy is high on meph and especially if I am all sober, it is harder to connect. Even if I have not smelled yet that he is on meph or tasted it when kissing...

I can imagine that for someone e.g. coming out of a long term relationship and not having had many sexual partners yet, such an encounter, where he comes faster that he would like to, could cause anxiety, especially if it happens for the first time.
I would think it is like riding a bicycle - if one falls off, it is best to get back on again so that such an anxiety does not grow into a viscous circle. I'd say rest assured - you are not the only man it can happens to!
It can be scary when it happens - and a bit of a knock to the inner male pride, but as mentioned, usually I find that with the next partner (or the one after that), things are normal again. So there is no reason to beat oneself up about it.

Anxiety seems to be the main factor as it is. At times I get clients who have their first erotic encounter with another man and are understandably anxious. Usually here too, if they come back another time, things are more relaxed already and their performance longer lasting. (I could well imagine it is the same when clients go to see a female tantric masseuse for the first time)
There might obviously be other reasons why clients might be anxious about using a Tantric Massage service - I do not usually ask too much, as I feel it is up to the client to decide if he would like to speak about this or not. Some reasons might be very personal and I want my clients to relax as best as possible and not worry about what I might do with information they divulge.
(obviously I (and all good Tantric Masseurs) adhere to strictest Confidentiality and Data Protection rules - but I am aware that trust has to be built up and some fears can creep up whether we rationally want them to or not)

Some clients seem to generally stress about many things and get stuck in anxiety patterns. It feels as if they then carry such e.g. work anxieties into their sexual life. They are usually quite tense from their muscles too and seem to have a hard time relaxing. I have had a few occasions where such clients would actually inform me about their premature ejaculation problems beforehand, in most cases I found though that after some whole body massage (which their muscles had been screaming for) they relaxed nicely and any feared premature ejaculation did not play up. One such client even lasted longer then the average client... I.e. if you think you suffer from premature ejaculation and are worried about a planned date with a new partner, maybe a good plan would be to hit the gym beforehand and spend some time in the whirlpool afterwards, to help you relax. Or even just take a nice hot relaxing bath at home first (with or without that partner) - anything that gives you more of a clear, relaxing break after work,so you do not carry your work anxieties into your sex life...

So why might tantric massage be a good idea too? 
A good tantric therapist will be non-judgmental, unconditionally loving (the spiritual kind of love, not the emotional kind) and caring in their attitude. With a tantric massage there is a clear cut set up of exchange of energies too. The therapist gives his/ her energy and effort to provide an excellent massage and the client pays a fee 'in exchange'. As opposed to other erotic encounters there might  not be any, or less, anxiety about having to impress the therapist with ones looks, attire, income or profession - there is no courting involved and hence no potential rejection.
Then there is the potential physical side of a tantric massage. I.e. by stimulating erogenous zones, but combining this with a whole body massage many clients will be erect for long periods of time. As the sexual energy slowly builds up though, the therapist might not e.g. touch the lingam for a good while yet. Most clients, who might fear they are suffering from premature ejaculation, will not actually climax unless through direct contact with the lingam though. Such clients can now experience that they can be erect for longer periods of time, without climaxing quickly. I also read that supposedly when a male is erect this triggers extra production of testosterone, which in turn can improve libido and sexual function....
Furthermore a good Tantric therapist is there to provide the client with a service and not out for their own potential climax. They will therefore be more sensitive to the client's energies and have a greater chance of feeling when they approach the point of no return. They can then discontinue the lingam massage for a while and help the client calm down a bit again, before increasing arousal again. This too, potentially, will give such clients a chance to become more confident that erotic encounters can be more relaxing and longer lasting!
Good tantric masseurs will also feel the client's sexual energies and help him to spread these throughout his bodies. By spreading the sexual energies throughout the bodies the energy does not get dissipate as such, it is more that the whole body becomes a sexual organ. Many men focus all their sexual energy on their lingam, ideally we have enough sexual energy though to charge the whole body. If men focus all that energy on just the lingam it is no wonder they cannot but explodesmile

By spreading the energy throughout the bodies orgasms should be become more whole body orgasms with time too!

I would recommend that clients who might worry that they might climax too quickly, to book in for a longer session (ideally 2hrs). A longer session will have two benefits – firstly a longer session will have more whole body massage included – you’ll relax more and might loose unnecessary anxieties that way already. Secondly (at least with the massage I provide) with the longer sessions there is two ‘high points’, two lingam massages – not just one. Clients who climax already during the fist lingam massage, have some time to recuperate and then climax again with the second lingam massage. Quite frequently, with the first pressure released earlier – they do climax again but will take longer the second time around.  
Sometimes a quick climax just cannot be avoided  - Rome was not built in a day either. A professional tantric masseur or masseuse does not have any expectations about your performance though. They won't be disappointment or take it personal - them not reacting negatively can potentially help you not get as hung up about it either. Also you get second, third etc. chances with a professional tantric therapist and with each new visit you will hopefully feel more relaxed and less anxious. Furthermore many tantric masseurs are good and trained massage therapists, so even if the erotic part initially is not as hoped for, you will have received great whole body massage for your money at least....

Obviously Tantra in it's essence has strong spiritual roots. Whereas I do not think it is essential for clients to believe themselves in a higher power, it might be comforting for those - who do have higher believes and who might think that they for whatever reason do not deserve a good erotic experience, or should not have one, to hear that I never ever had the feeling, with any of my clients, that the divine refused to provide them with healing energies during a tantric massage. Nor that the divine ever did not support the tantric healing process!
I feel sexuality is a divine gift to be cherished not felt guilty about!

Love and Light! Tantra is about the journey not the destination!

Tom -
+44 7939 425 504